tips for telling your partner they're gaining too much weight

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tips for telling your partner they're gaining too much weight

Having a partner that is packing extra weight is a challenging proposition because it’s a unique situation to be in. While you may want to tell them about this weight gain, it might come across as an insult [1].

This is where relationships can get strained and no spouse wants to deal with the potential fallout.

As a result, you will want to do things as tastefully as possible to make sure the relationship doesn’t turn sour. In these situations, you should always plan things out and understand the sensitivity of this particular conversation.

Here are some of the ways to tell your partner they are fat.

1. Never Make Fun of Them

A woman is angry because her partner teased her about her weight

This is a complete non-starter and is the last thing anyone should be doing in a conversation such as this.

Making fun of someone for their weight is going to completely ruin the relationship and will leave a sour taste in their mouth [2].

This is all about being on the same side and that’s why poking fun is not an option.

In fact, there may be a hidden reason for why they are adding weight and you making fun of them is only going to worsen the issue.

Be sensitive and make sure to make your point without calling them ugly, hideous, or odd. These words do not have a place in this conversation.

2. Lead by Example

a woman shows off her healthy breakfast

A lot of partners assume it’s all about saying a few words to their spouse heading in the right direction.

If this works, the partner was already aware of what’s happening and would have started making changes. They wouldn’t need you to go out of your way to tell them!

This is why it’s best to lead by example as that’s going to set the right tone. You can start eating healthy foods, cutting out processed foods, or eliminating some of your trips out to local restaurants.

Each step can have a profound impact on how they receive this message as it can become a source of inspiration for them.

3. Understand the Root Cause

burger and fries

Do you know what the root cause is of this particular problem? Perhaps, there is a reason for why they are adding weight? There are many times where a partner is dealing with stress at work and may start stress eating as a result.

If you are able to get on top of this, you may be able to help get them out of the rut they’re in.

It is these details that can make things easier for you during a conversation of this nature.

4. Be Ready To Listen

a man listens as his partner explains his weight loss struggles

You should always be willing to listen because it might be time for your partner to share what is going on.

If you are only demanding and shouting out orders, the conversation is going to end up dying out.

There is no reason to lecture them and being able to listen is just as important as telling them about their weight gain.

You will be surprised as to how well a conversation can go when you are coming in with open ears.

5. Never Make It A “Do or Die” Situation

This is a major mistake some partners make and it is something you want to avoid at all costs. In essence, a partner may assume they can threaten their spouse and say “I will leave if you don’t lose weight,” but this is never going to work.

It will ruin the relationship and they will start stress eating even more!

You want to make sure the situation is kept as simple as possible with both of you on the same side of the battle. If it becomes a “me vs. us” issue, this is going to end up hampering their ability to shed fat.

6. Be Subtle

to women walk near the ocean to discuss their fat issues

Being subtle is something that can go a long way when you are touching such sensitive topics.

For example, you may want to gently bring it up rather than forcing it in the middle of a party. Being subtle can even mean changing what’s for dinner before it is prepared or going to healthier restaurants.

It is these little details that may go a long way. In fact, sometimes even signing up for a gym pass could help out as they will like the idea of joining you and doing it together. This subtlety is just as important as letting them know about the weight gain.

7. Don’t Make It a Competition

a woman brags in excitement

Never make it a competition as that is going to be the end of your battle to help them lose weight. If you make it a competition, they may end up losing and that is going to hurt them even more.

A person that is hoping to shed fat needs to have their work positively reinforced and that’s not going to happen in a competition with their partner.

Of course, this doesn’t mean you can’t diet or exercise but it has to be done separately and not as a competition.

8. Be Willing To Share Your Issues

a couple shares their weight loss struggles

This is where people end up making a mistake when it comes to a conversation of this nature. It’s okay to tell your partner they’re gaining weight but it shouldn’t become a one-way street!

In essence, you should be willing to open things up and share some of your own insecurities and/or issues.

This can be a wonderful way to learn more about each other and show you are on their side as their partner.

When a spouse is able to reveal a bit of themselves in these touchy conversations, it can go a long way in bringing that person on board with the idea of making improvements.

9. Share Tips & Diets That Have Worked for You

If you’re like most of us, then you’ve probably packed on some extra pounds at some point in your life too. If you were able to find a way to get back to a healthy weight, share with your partner the steps you took to get there.

Maybe it was a diet program or just a change in eating habits, or exercise routine.

Either way, if you have good solid advice to give, don’t hold back!

Just remember, you don’t want to come off like you’re bragging, or being condescending, so make sure to share tips in a way that won’t turn your loved on off.

Final Thoughts

These are the best ways to tell your partner they are fat. Yes, it is not going to be an easy conversation and you will hesitate but all it takes is a positive mindset.

Go into it with a smile and you will have a better chance of making things work.


  1. Physical Attraction – What to do When Your Spouse is Overweight, Everyday Health. Retrieved from
  2. Jennifer Rollin, MSW, LCSW-C, 3 Reasons Why You Should Never Comment On Someone’s Weight, Huffpost. Retrieved from


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